shepherd of my soul

thankyouallll, yes you! who spent my birthday week with me (: and those who sent me your well wishes, you're not forgotten!
you made me feel sooooloved.
you are verymuchloved and appreciated, such a blessing!
i thank God, truly.

after all the nights past twelveam, sleeping among notes (they were literally at the foot of my bed and all around me), dreaming about theories, fretting over space,
after all.
im left with me, and, myself.
facing the silence of freedom.

what's freedom, to be able to do anything that we want to do in this whole wide world,
or to be able to freely say no to the world, no to the rat race/paper chase (ha), no to being the best in this whole wide world, no to anything that makes us happy and leaves us empty sooner than we want to.
how many times do we need to walk to the cliff of 'money/fun/anything in this world will never satisfy us...' before we finally realise,
that the satisfaction of the world is not satisfying at all.

harrassed and helpless.
this phrase in Matt 9: 36 "When He saw the crowds, He had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
has been mentioned repeatedly and makes my heart feel heavy.