I hate moments when pangs of loneliness hit you, anytime anywhere. In the midst of a crowd you get lonely, and you thought you rather be on your own, and when you are alone you don't feel any better. There's something missing, but you don't know what. You think of an imaginary hero who will fight away your loneliness, but he doesn't exist. You turn to God and pray, but only head knowledge tells you that you are not alone. You think of a friend to call, but what can you say except to whine about your loneliness, and yet being speechless because you don't know the root. You turn on the black box and turn it off at the end of the day, feeling as lonely as you started out, only made happier momentarily by light entertainment. You think of moments that make you smile to yourself, but you relive it by yourself. You hope it goes away after a few hours but it doesn't. You hope the day pasts and night comes quick so you can sleep the loneliness away. Sometimes you wake up alone feeling less lonely, sometimes you don't.
Sometimes you are thrown into a situation, where you don't what to feel how to feel and how to react. There is too much conflict between the head and the heart that you have forgotten how it all started out. You want to feel the right way, you want to act the right way. And then, you forget how you really felt.
Jesus be strong in my weaknesses,
empower me
Empower me, like a rushing river
flowing to the sea,
Lord, send Your Holy Spirit
flowing now through me.
Till I'm living as Your child,
victorious and free,
send the power of Your love,
empower me.
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